Thursday, December 29, 2011

Don't Wake Me. I'm hibernating... in the middle of the yard!

 So, I threw on some shoes, approached the beaver, and stopped about 15 feet short.  To my dismay, it was not a beaver.  It was only a raccoon.  Probably the same $%!@#& that has been doing his business on my roof!


To my knowledge, I don't believe animals hibernate out in the open.  But as I made my way to the kitchen this morning to make Laura some peanut butter & jelly toast for breakfast I noticed a dark mass in our neighbor's backyard.

"Laura!  Come quick!  I think it's a beaver!"  

Wait, do beavers hibernate?  No matter.  I’m already thinking about buying a bag of quikrete, a 4by4 post, and this sign to post in the backyard.  

"No, let me get the binoculars," she retorted. "It's a raccoon or opossum.”

Well, yeah, I knew it wasn’t actually a beaver.  But I fervently seek out animals in locations that they would normally have no logical reason for dwelling.  For example, I was bound and determined to see a moose while in Colorado this September.  Moose can weigh up to 1,500 pounds.  That would have been awesome!

I whistled at the coon and he didn’t move as he appeared to be sleeping…  or perhaps… <gasp!> … he fell out of the 40-foot pine tree and met his untimely demise.

I wasn’t about to poke a possibly rabid raccoon to find out.  I picked up a couple of gourds from our still-developing compost pile in the back corner of the yard.  I returned to my original viewing spot and bowled a gourd and struck the raccoon in his posterior.  Nothing; no reaction.  I bowled again and missed.  I need more ammo!  With two more gourds I return and the third attempt came up empty.c Augh!  The fourth though, that was a beautiful shot.  It came in much hotter than the first one that connected and it jarred his body pretty good.  His head peaked up and he looked at me as though to say, “Why did you go and do that for?”

So, it’s alive.  Why is he sleeping in the middle of the lawn?  Is he injured?  I tried to get him to move.  I did jumping jacks and yelled at him.  I made as though I was going to bum rush him. 
Nothing.  He was not fazed.

I tossed him a corn cob and went back inside.  I had toast to make.  Laura needed to go to work and offered to make her toast!  This is not a time to play with raccoons!
Five minutes later he tried to eat the gourd nearest him.  He never approached the corn cob.  He’s now sleeping in the pine tree.  He's lucky that I'm so dedicated to toast making.

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